When it comes to family and the bond families have with one another, it’s no doubt that you should be able to count on your family when the chips are down, right? In my heart, family matters. It’s the main piece to any puzzle.
Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
When I was a kid, I grew up in a tight-knit family. I saw fights, arguments, crying and lots of love in between it all. No matter the issue, there was a bond that I always saw that was very important.
Yes, people gave each other the silent treatment. Yes, people gave each other evil looks. Yes, people cursed at each other and said hurtful things. But in the end, they forgave and “forgot” about the issue. To me that is what life is all about – the true meaning of the word family.
“You forgive and you forget. ” The phrase is not meant to take literally, in my opinion. What it means to me is that if you have a downfall with a loved one, take time away for awhile and try to get a breath. Chill out, so to speak. After you’re ready to talk, explain how you feel, try to forgive because life is too damn short and get over it – don’t forget the situation because obviously you learned something out of the argument, right?
I’ve been thinking long and hard about sharing my life with my in-laws. If you’ve been a long time reader of New York Chica (thank you!!) then you will notice that I rarely write about family issues because that is not what my blog is about. I want people to come by, read what I posted and leave on a good note.
But life isn’t always happy. We all go thru some drama whether we like it or not. It’s a part of life, especially if you’re married. Because not only are you married to your spouse, you’re also married to their family. You may not agree with that but in reality if you really think about it, it’s true. Your in-laws become your family and vice-versa. Your job is to get along or at least try for the sake of your spouse.
So here’s the thing; it’s been a few years since I last spoke to my sister-in-law — not by choice (I should say in-laws but this is the main issue). To be totally honest, we were extremely close once upon a time. When I say close, I mean close like sisters. We would talk on the phone almost daily. My kids would sleep over her house and vice-versa. But as time went on and as my daughter got older, my husband and I thought it would be a good idea for our daughter to stop sleeping in the same bed with her male cousin and brother.
Fair enough, right? We are her parents and adults should respect the parent’s rules and wishes, no matter what it is, right? Plus, why should a 9-year-old girl sleep in the same bed with the opposite sex?
Well, for my SIL, that didn’t work out as planned. I spoke to her about our feelings of having our daughter sleep in a separate bed because she was getting older and we’re trying to teach our daughter about self-respect. We feel as her parents, we should be able to set rules for our kids regardless of where they are. Our rule was, she should sleep by herself when boys are around or she’s not allowed to have a sleepover at all.
After I said what I had to say, it caused a huge disagreement and caused unnecessary accusations about us not trusting her, her family or her home. I tried to explain that it was nothing against her or her kids (she has 3 boys), it’s just how kids are. At that age (age 9 or at times even earlier) kids can become experimental because of hormones and all, especially with stuff they learn and hear at school. It was not meant for any negativity or any problems. Boy, was I wrong. Since she’s a very opinionated person, I figured I would be able to express my own opinions about my kids, right?
It was like she took the whole situation and flipped it around. It was now about us not trusting her and all hell broke loose. At the time my daughter was 9-years-old. She’s twelve now. It’s been 3 years since we last spoke. Til this day, we still do not speak. I’ve apologized for “hurting” her (she accused me of hurting her on purpose) many times because that was not my intention and still she has put up a brick wall.
It’s a hard situation. I would love for her to be back in our lives again but I don’t want any negativity in our lives or anyone who disrespects our rules as a parent or even accuse us of not trusting her. You know what I mean?
We should be able to have ground rules for our kids and people should respect that.
If you’ve seen The Real Housewives of New Jersey lately, then you may noticed our situation is very similar to Teresa’s and Melissa’s relationship. I can’t help but wonder what is the reason for the brick wall my sister-in-law has built for us? What is she trying to prove?
I wish I knew. I guess only time will tell. But after 3 years, should I even bother? Or should I wait and see?
How do you deal with your in-laws when you have a disagreement and/or rules they won’t accept? I would love some advice.